I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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