Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
