We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
