what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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