matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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