How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
