You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
