Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
