i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
