It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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