im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
