i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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