Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
