I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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