I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
