I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
