two words: eviction party
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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