I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...