I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.