On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud