Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf