Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I only lived at night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night