dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.