i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.