OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
