The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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