so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
