My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
