can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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