Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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