Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
