She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
