Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
