Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
