it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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