hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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