He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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