I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
