Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
