He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
