look no pants
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
