Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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