I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
