I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Two words: nipple clamps
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