hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
