Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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