I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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