You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
