If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
