hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
