How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
