I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
