just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
