if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
