she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
