Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
