i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
