WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
