And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize