Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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