Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
