I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
