i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
