what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
