I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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