my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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