Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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